Until Both Our Cars Collide

With the recent news of MCR’s breakup, I not only weep for the concerts I will never go to, and the new songs I will never hear, I also weep for the fact that the music world has lost another great.

It may seem on the surface that My Chemical Romance is but another group among many others who produced rage songs motivated by silly anger issues and emotional baggages. But theirs are words and music of raw emotions. Their music grew, as they grew from boys to men, from boyfriends to husbands, from sons to fathers. And I am glad I grew up with them and saw them make such music in a time where the music industry churns out songs that don’t even make any sense but manage to make it to the top.

This is a band who came together and created songs that to me are like poems with music. And so when I found videos of their songs sung acoustically, without compromising their fundamentals, I thought to myself how amazing.

How Gerard Way manages to sing with such passion, opened to the world, baffles me. It makes me want to dive into that mind of his. I imagine it would be a world full of animation. (I stop myself before I dive in too deep. It somehow seems wrong and redundant anyway.)

The public still can enter but a window into his mind, though. He has written and will be writing comic books, all historical, intelligent and creative. And I’m sure if you googled him, you’ll find many pictures of his work, stories of his life, and that wonderful letter on twitlonger that he wrote about MCR’s demise.

But I’d rather live in this idea that I have of MCR. An idea that somehow transforms itself into a world of its own, inspiring and assiduous. Afterall, in Gerard Way’s own words, MCR is an idea. And those don’t die.

If you only have time for 1, listen to Helena, the accoustic version. It just gets to me somehow.

Embroidering My Dreams

I have a confession to make.

It’s not something big like being an alcoholic or sneaky like secretly getting a tattoo behind my laogong’s back.

The truth is I am very insecure about the way I look. Increasingly so, actually, now that I have been hearing more comments about how ‘aunty’ I look and how my pimples are getting worse.

It is not something I take lightly and believe me when I say that confessing this makes me feel very vulnerable. This is perhaps the reason  I shy away from certain people, clothes and activities.

But I feel it is important to say this. Because many a times, people say things thinking that they mean no harm. Truth is, sometimes, these comments can come across as callous, even if you didn’t mean for it to be.

I admit that I may sound overly sensitive. I know some things people tell me are just facts, or passing remarks, or jokes. Jokes I can take. But if it is a simple remark, please keep it to yourself. Trust me, we already know we have put on a bit, that our face is breaking out in acne, and that are our eyes are slightly too far apart. Or something like that.

We have to face it on a daily basis, and having someone remind us of it again just makes me want to go on a one-man mission to destroying all the mirrors in the world. Because apparently, we don’t already have it shoved in our faces that we need someone to rub salt on the wounds.

I guess I am not that strong yet to be able to laugh it off. Just the other day when someone remarked on my acne, I pretended that the pot on the stove was boiling so that I could run away from the awkward conversation and hide in the kitchen. Honestly, I just did not know how to respond. How do you expect me to respond?

So the next time you decide to point out something obvious to us, just remember: it is not “tell me something I already know” day.

At this point of time, I want to tell my laogong “I love you” for reminding me everyday that I am beautiful in your eyes. I honestly don’t think I’ll be the person I am today if not for you. And for that I am grateful.

On a happier note, here’s what I’ve been busying my fingers with.

My Imaginary Flying FIsh

My Imaginary Flying Fish

I’ve always had dreams of the ocean, perhaps because I’m fascinated by it. Nothing I can find online about marine life ever reflects what I see. But the flying fish comes close, if only a little. I added different colours to it, like how I see it in my mind when I close my eyes. And the intricate stitches bring out the subtleties of the fish’s scales and fins and design.

I know it is not biologically accurate. I hope to get away with it as a form of art. I am embroidering my dreams, after all.

A Hairy Business

There are many ‘if’s in the world.

If I were the right size…

If I had the money…

If I could have super powers…

If I could have one wish …

My ‘if’ for the day on almost everyday is to have my colleague have that blasted cough of his checked out. Each cough is like a shriek from someone struggling to breathe. If anything, it sounds unhealthy. But mostly, it just shocks me right out of my chair in the silent office whenever one of his coughs decides to awaken the room with disquietude.

Yesterday, I had a new ‘if’, a more pleasant ‘if’.

If I were the right shape and size and had flawless skin, I’d want to be a model. Not because of the seemingly yet deceivingly glamorous lifestyle, but for the occasionally creativity that is displayed upon models.

Mom made me go to the salon yesterday. That is when I got this sudden epiphany. She refuses to let Laogong cut my hair for me anymore. I don’t see the need to spend $100 on a haircut but hypocritically I enjoy it almost every time.

(There goes that cough again. I nearly jumped from my seat.)

Each time the hair stylist asks me what style I want, I have this urge to tell them to go wild. I want to have 5 colours in my hair like that girl in Mcfly; I want to have a cute bob; I want to look sultry in long curls. Then I take a good look at myself in the strategically placed mirror, and I meekly reply, “Anything.”

All the thoughts I initially wanted to tell her changes almost immediately. No 5 colours in my hair anymore – colouring only spoils my hair. No cute bob – I need hair to cover my ever growing double chin. No sultry long curls – I mean, come one, look at the pimples hidden behind these glasses!

It is as though my thoughts like the sweet inviting cotton candy turned themselves into a wobbling 10 meters tall blob of calories mixed with raging hormones telling me to wake the hell up before I turn into one of those 20 something who still thinks they can pull off dressing up like a teenager.

Who am I kidding, I’m wearing a spongebob t-shirt and carrying a very unfashionable navy blue tote my mom got for free at some shopping mall.

When it comes to style, I have none.

So while googling (Words should seriously consider adding the word ‘googling’ to their dictionary so that it doesn’t have that ugly red line below it every time I type it out.) hair art in my bid to still hold on to my very faint ‘if’ for the day, I found these 2 artistes – Jenine Shereos and Kerry Howley.

Using human hair to create pieces of art; how amazing is that? Now, I would want to be a model for creativity like these – but I’d like to keep my hair on my head, if you don’t mind.

Here are some pictures of their work.

Jenine Shereos

Jenine Shereos

Kerry Howley

Kerry Howley

I still want to keep my dream of becoming a model for Irregular Choice. If only they could see what a loyal customer I’ve been.

Leave Me High And Dry With The Rain

Sometimes, you need to drown out the white noise in your head. Or the incessant noise from people in the office who think they are the boss of you even though they aren’t.

Sometimes I listen to the comfort of the rain (which I believe I did share on some previous post). But if that puts you to sleep, you can always add a little music.

The best music advise I ever got was to listen to Radiohead’s High and Dry while rainymood.com is on. Try it. It will blow your mind. Thank you, random youtube stranger, for introducing me to this.

Test Tube Dreams

My dreams have been bringing me to different universes, opening my heart to different worlds and degrees of imagination. But I am not gifted in the art of drawing, so I cannot paint a beautiful picture to capture what I see. And I’m afraid the words will never be able to bring out the full essence of the dream.

I guess that’s what dreams are then, a memory unique to the one who dreamt it.

The weekend started with a Touch charity dinner on Friday night. Mom and Dad were unable to make it and so Laogong had to call up his friends to help fill up the seats. Being there made me ask myself when was the last time I made a donation. Dad has always been involved in charities and mom has always been the one helping others when they are in need – sometimes to a fault.

Touch Charity Dinner

Touch Charity Dinner

Our table of 9 won 6 prizes that night. I was never one to be lucky when it comes to lucky draws. I always win nothing. And when I do at those sure-win lucky draws, I always win the smallest prize. So when my name was called 3 times that night, I felt slightly embarrassed. It was not our intention, but we are certainly grateful.

I recall saying that I would post up pictures of the skirt I made of myself. While one is still in the laundry, this one is ready.

I wanted the colours to complement each other. So I chose a similar shade of green to make those buttons as those of the leaves on the skirt. As for the button loops, I crocheted cream-coloured yarn. I like how the yarn and the lace soften the overall look of the skirt. Tempted to make more, but awaiting nicer cloth designs.

Occasionally, I like to head down to the store to see what is on sale. It’s nice to let the cloth choose you instead of having you choose the cloth, if that even makes sense. 🙂

Jelly Bean Test tubes

Jelly Bean Test tubes

During my parents’ last visit to my sister’s, they  came back with these creative test tube jelly beans, among other things. I can’t wait to finish them and use them for beads or buttons. My sewing space in the office is getting a little messy and is in dire need of ‘inspirational organization’. That’s just my one in a hundred ways of procrastinating.

Sewing Therapy

The long weekend was spent recovering from a fall I took while attempting to jog, putting back what little fats I lost in that tumble and catching up on my movies and TV shows.

While mom and dad were away, I got to cook again and it got me thinking of all the things I would do if I needn’t be in the office. Building castles in the clouds over weekends is one of my favourite pastimes.

Mushroom Chicken On Butter Rice

Mushroom Chicken On Butter Rice

Spongebob Breakfast

Spongebob Breakfast

 

Friday night dinner taught me how long it takes my mom’s oven to bake potatoes. The next time, I’ll put it in before I take my shower. Saturday breakfast greeted us with a cheeky spongebob and some baked beans, which laogong doesn’t eat. What new things will I learn of my husband, I wonder. The only thing missing in that breakfast was the sausages.

Postsecret on Sewing

Postsecret on Sewing

Inspiration can be found anywhere if you widen your search. This week’s postsecret caught my eye when I saw the secret above. Perhaps it is not possible to understand the magnitude of what needles and thread  means to him/her. But it is nice to know someone else who finds them therapeutic.

Sewing can illustrate the world differently and bring out joy in people. And that is something I wish to share, or I hope I’m sharing now. 🙂

For Good Company

Here’s the picture I promised yesterday.

Moonlight Reflection

Moonlight Reflection

It’s so much more mystical then the picture and my photography skills give it credit for. Definitely a good place to chillax, if there is such a word.

There are many things I wish to strike off my list – including “jogging around the park” – but laziness got the better of me. Instead of exercising, I am doing the total opposite. What the world needs now is a chocolate that helps us lose weight instead of gain weight but still maintain the flavour and everything wonderful about it.

These days, the only exercise I get is for my fingers.

Spotlight Purchases

Spotlight Purchases

These are some of the things I bought from the Spotlight sales I told you about yesterday. Many ideas are flowing through my mind, but I’m open to suggestions if you have any. 🙂

I won’t lie to you, as weak as it may make me seem, I am tired from trying to get a grip on losing Nili. My eyes are puffy, my heart is heavy and my mind just can’t work properly. Everyday I hear some comments from my parents about how Nili’s condition has worsen and I just want to block it out. Some things, when obvious, do not need to be said. Just when I think I have come to terms with letting him go, I realise it is just a front. I guess you can never fully prepare yourself for such things and to ask yourself to do so would be painfully unfair to yourself. Grief is a process that is different to each individual.

Tonight, Nili will be going in for another check up. I hope this time I can control my tears better. Those poor vets. I hope they know it’s not something I do on purpose. It’s just that I’m afraid if I try to control it too much, I will explode and sob uncontrollably.

I thank God each day that he is still with me and I thank God each day that laogong is there to be my pillar of strength and source of reminder.

 

 

 

Moonriver

Lately I’ve been trying to find inspiration on vintage items from people and things. One night during a TV dinner, I was watching this.

Mona Lisa Smile

Mona Lisa Smiled

In my mind, I keep pronouncing it as “Mona Lisa’s Smile” and I cannot get around it. Anyway, they have lovely fashion – the dresses and earrings are so lovely. While I may not be able to make the clothes (no surprise there) I’d like to try making the earrings. Mom and I went to the spotlight sales yesterday and I managed to get some materials. But I’ve been too caught up with my new things that I forgot to bring the camera to upload pics. I shall remember the next time.

After spotlight, we went out to a fairly new part of the island for dinner and the night view, if you can ignore the lights of the restaurants at the back, is lovely. However, somehow my phone refuses to send the picture to my email for me to put it up here.

The reflection of the moon by the river last night reminded me of a very nice mandarin song I used to listen to a lot when I was back in school. It’s all very melancholic, which is why I shouldn’t indulge in it too much. Perhaps the day view is more cheerful. I’ll post it up tomorrow.

Nili’s condition has been weighing on all of us. It is getting harder to stay cheerful in front of him, but we do try. The little guy is practically bed ridden, cozy-ing up under his blanket at night and munching on yogurt bits throughout the day. He has all of us bowing to his needs, his royal highness. 🙂

Tired Bunny

Tired Bunny