Conversations With Nili

Nili had to be rushed to the vet yesterday night. Not the ending to a shopping day I was expecting. Then again, no one expects such things. If I haven’t already done so, or have tricked myself into thinking I have, I should seriously prepare myself.

His right eye has a serious infection. His left eye teared before and so I thought that when it happened to his right eye, it was normal. But when we got home last night, his eye was swollen with yellow pus.

My heart was beating so fast, it got so heavy, I felt I couldn’t breath properly. The vet told me the usual – that right now it’s not about curing, but making his last days more comfortable. How did that become the usual.

I could hear what the vet was saying, but I couldn’t listen. Perhaps because I was just too weary to listen. My mind stopped absorbing all that the vet was saying. All I could feel was my heart getting too heavy for me to stand straight, like my blood was slowly being drained out, making my hands cold and shaking.

One couldn’t guess what pain he’s going through. He doesn’t show it. He still hops around asking for food and he still has the strength to bite you if you anger him. I refuse to believe that he’d give up. He’d tell me when he’s ready. I know.

I told my mom that I’d stay home today because the vet told me that Nili needed supervision. While that is true, it is mostly because I wanted to feel close to him. Every now and then, I’d turn my head, or go out to the living room, or take a peek from the corners of my eyes just to see if he needed something.

Right now I think I need him more than he needs me.



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